the drugging of a life time

douche berry

Hi, I'm a jerk, How are you today?

Have you ever made someone feel horrible and be oblivious to it?

I have, and I just found out that I did. I had suspected it... but he acted fine so I just ignored it. I mean anyone would act funny when seeing someone for the first time in a long time. But I felt like I had to bring him to Gallery Stroll. I warned him that I had already invited Frankie. it wasn't a "She's my fist choice." type of deal, it's the fact that I have 2 friends period. She was that second friend. I missed her, I can understand that he didn't want to see ehr ever again. But it's not my fault I wanted to see her again and he happened to ask to come. Maybe I should have said no, just not let him. I should have known that it was a bad idea. Wow. I'm so selfish. Someone just tell me to quit while I'm ahead. Just stop it all. I should start taking drugs. Over dose, end up going to LifeLine and be alone for a year. Cut off everyone. It'll be good for them in the long run. Tomarrow, I'm taking a vow of silence. I won't tell anyone I'm doing it either. No one will read this until tomarrow... Or actually I doubt anyone will read this at all. It's impossible to not talk at all... But I won't converse. Everything will be to the point and yes or no answers.  Just the fact that everything I seem to do ends up making someone feel bad about themselves in the long run. It'll be better for me and better for them. Having friendships are overrated, being in love is just a cover up of pain. I'll probably call off the Lagoon meeting between me and a myspace friend. I don't think I'll be up to it. I may show up at Felicia's gig but I will just hear her play and leave. Those things aren't fun anyway.

Wow, it's amazing how allergy pills, painkillers, and alcohol can numb your mind. I doubt anything I'm typing will make any sense to me tomarrow. You probably can't even read it, it's probably that illegiable... Illegiable, is that how it's spelled? Is that even a word? I don't even know anymore. Coming down with a cold isn't really helping the fact that I hate myself right now. It's pretty sad how I'm so off topic all the time. Like just right there, one subject to another. I'm dreading tomarrow, seeing the people who secretly want me dead. The teachers who lie to my face, the kids who tell me the oppisite of their opinions. Just ignore this rant, don't comment it saying "things'll get better," "life gets bad sometimes, live it through," "Don't try drugs, it'll ruin your life," all that bull shit. I know that you're trying to be ampathdic, acting like you actually give a fuck. But you don't, you can't tell me anything I've never heard before. So don't even try. Thanks. Well I'm off to try and sleep. And think about how love is just covering up lustful feelings. Think about how shallow all of my friendships are and how fake I am. Crying yourself to sleep is a good past time. Try it sometime.

See you in weeks,

Patrick.

PATERCK

11:58, Monday, October 23, 2006 .. Posted by XxEveryxLastxWordxX

no don't no i hate mercedes i do not want to only have her for a friend. Lookokkkokok I'm dumb. I shouldn't have gone. I made myself do it and you didn't have to let me come. Plz plz plz don't get into drugs and shit. Not because it'll ruin your life. Just... don't. There's nothing I can say that won't sound forced and fake to you, right here and right now. But seriously.
If it makes you feel any better, I almost got you that ONE cd that you kindofsortofremotely wanted. But they didn't have it. So you're fuckinglucky.

Bubbbbby. Tonight is all about we miss you, I miss you. I can't forget your smile, your cynicism. Somehow it was like you were the first to listen to anything I said.
-Andi

=/

11:15, Tuesday, October 24, 2006 .. Posted by Anonymous

Don't say those things that you know aren't true. you will /not/ do drugs, you will /not/ dissapear. Ever.You're too important.
-peter