the drugging of a life time

i had a bad day.

So, let's start this monsterous ending of an awful week with why this week sucked.

I was sick last weekend, I was feeling kind of bad, I toughed out going to school on thursday and friday for my mom because it was her birthday on friday. and that weekend I didn't feel up to hanging out or going to parties. But I went to dinner with my family and my grandma said "Oh, it sounds like he has mono." And so we went to the doctor on Monday (I didn't go to school.) the tests for mono came back negitive but it does take a long time for the illness to show up. So I could have it. But a test did come back saying I have Thrush. I hadn't heard of it, but it's pretty much a yeast infection in the throat/mouth. lucky for me it was in my throat. It normally shows up in babies because their immune system doesn't work very well. Well because I was kind of sick, I got it. So it hurts when I sneeze and yawn. And I didn't feel up to going to school all week. I missed picture day (and it sucked because my skin was flawless that day.) and I missed one of Felicia's shows. And I love to go and suport her and her music so it really bugged me. There was a good thing though, Infinity On High. The new Fall Out Boy Album. It was amazing, it made me cry it was so amazing. Though I got it late because Wal-Mart is a douche, I was glad I got it. But of course, that ends up ruined for me. I'm almost possitive that I am clinically insane, I make up my own little worlds. I refuse to live in the world that we call earth. And in my little world, I'm best friends with Fall Out Boy. And I listened to that record and thought "Oh, that was written about me! Oh, that was written about Andi! Oh I love thiss." And it made me love that record so much more. Because in my head they had told me that they would write about us. And then Chanelle comes along and shatters my little wall of mystical love. "This song was written about these people" and "this song was written for this girl." I didn't want to hear that. Not at all. The fact that her saying that could completely break me down is just more proof that I have a million issues bottled up in me that really need to be fixed. She tells me "it's obvious" yeah, when you're simple minded and you can't listen to something and connect it to yourself. My mind moves a hundred miles a second and I over think things. Causing me to miss things, that sounds very odd, but when you rush you tend to miss things. I don't pay attention to celebrities lives. I make up their lives, to the way I want them to live. It's funny how now I look at Joe Trohman, someone who's name could make me smile, and now I look at him and I sob. He'll never get to know me and he'll never like me or my music. I want to cast a spell over the east to make them think of me the way i think of them. this is a love note, in my own way.
I want to be remembered, have you seen that episode of house? With the homeless man who wanted to die in pain just so they'd remember him? I feel like that. I'm just the friend. I'm the Dirty to Andi's Fall Out Boy.

 I'll loose my friends when I go off to a different high-school, the kids at the school I go to will only like me for the same things a lot of my 'friends' like me for now: I'm crazy, nice, and funny. I am the boy next door. No one wants me. there are two people who are really real to me.
ANDI: though not very good at it, he tries very hard when I'm down. We get in fights when I try to help me, but it makes our friendship stronger. I'm dreading losing him to highschool. I am jealous of Pierre and Peter who have stolen him away. Now, that sounds like I love him. But not like that, he's my best friend. And I will be there for him when he's famous. For his writing, music, or otherwise.
CHELSIE: one person who honestly loves me. I feel like she'd never leave me. And it's something I think about when I go to bed, we could make it work. But then I think about other teenage relationships and I become scared of loosing her too. It'll work. It will. I have to tell myself that. We're long distance so we don't get sick of each other, but not so long that we can't stand it. We're not oppisites, but we're not twins. We have a perfect balance.

Oh look, I got off track. Back to the shitty week.
No one can hang out, I wanted to go out and take pictures, I just got some film for my camera and no one can until it's dark. And I had an awkward night with my mom and Frankie last night, I wanted to stay over at her house. But my mom wouldn't let me. And afterwards my mom thought I was mad at her but honestly, I just felt weird in public at that time.  And right now? I just got finished bawling and ripping Fall Out Boy off of my wall and out of my life. I love life. I'm the happiest kid on earth.

Untitled Comment

09:13, Sunday, February 11, 2007 .. Posted by you know who

i'm sorry...

Braseph

10:43, Sunday, February 11, 2007 .. Posted by XxEveryxLastxWordxX

I'm sorry I suck at giving advice. You'd think with all the advice I recieve, I'd be a pro. The problem is that I don't know how you feel. The way my brain works is worlds apart from the way yours works. We don't have anything in common, except for Fall Out Boy. And there's no way Chanelle could have known that that's the string holding us together, and she cut your tie.

Yeah I suck