the drugging of a life time
MENTAL BREAK DOWN MENTAL BREAK DOWN
12:50, Friday, March 23, 2007
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I ALWAYS CLAIM TO LOVE MYSELF AND BE HAPPY. BUT RIGHT NOW I'M FAR FROM IT. EVERYTHING IS GOING WRONG. ESPECIALLY THE SMALL THINGS, AND WE ALL KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THE SMALL THINGS ARE TO ME. I'M TAKING THE BRITNEY SPEARS ROAD, I'VE CUT MY HAIR IN A FREAKISH TANK GIRL WANNA-BE WAY. I'VE GIVEN MYSELF A TATTOO OF A RED X ON MY ARM. I'VE TAKEN 5 LORTABS AND I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT MYSELF AND MY FRIENDS AND MY LIFE. FROM THIS COMPUTER TO FRANKIE'S CHOICE TO BECOME TANS-GENDERED. MY MOM IS ANGRY AT ME BECAUSE I'M FREAKING OUT, BRAYDEN AND BRIGHTON ARE MAD AT ME. I SHOULD JUST FOREVER GO TO SLEEP LIKE IN A HAWTHORNE HEIGHTS SONG BECAUSE THAT'S HOW AWFUL I AM. NO ONE REALLY CARES ABOUT ME, YOU'LL READ THIS AND CLAIM TO BUT YOU DON'T. I'M THE ONE WHO CARES, I'M THE ONE WHO IS ALWAYS THERE. I TRIED MY VERY HARDEST TO BE THE BEST PERSON I COULD BE AND IT ENDS UP IN THIS, HATRED. NOTHING BUT BLAZING HATRED. FUCK REVOLUTIONS, FUCK LOVING MYSELF, FUCK SCHOOL, FUCK FRIENDS, FUCK LIVING, I DON'T NEED IT ANYMORE. GOOD BYE CHELSIE, GOOD BYE JOE. YOU WERE THE ONLY ONES WHO GOT ME, AND NEITHER OF YOU GOT TO KNOW ME FOR ME. BUT IF YOU DID, YOU'D HATE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE DOES IN THE PIT OF THEIR GUTS. IF I DO TURN UP AT SCHOOL THE DAY OF TOMARROW, I WILL PROBABLY SLAUGHTER THAT DEREK BOY FOR MAKING POOR LITTLE PATRICK HURT. I'LL PROBABLY CALL MERCEDES, VERONICA, LILY, AND SARAH THAT THEY ARE DIRTY LITTLE WHORES WHO NO ONE LIKES AT ALL. I'LL CRY IN CLASS AND BREAK SOMETHING IN DANCE. IF I HAD THE TIME I'D GO DIG UP OLD MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE CDS AND LISTEN TO THEM AS IF IT WAS THE FIRST THING I'VE EVER HEARD. BUT I'M BLEEDING, AND THE SHARPIE IS MAKING IT HURT WORSE, MY HEAD ITCHES FROM THE HUGE CHUNKS OF HAIR THAT HAVE ESCAPED IT, AND THE PILLS WILL BE KICKING IN SOON IN WHICH I'LL LAY IN A PUDDLE OF MY OWN SPIT AND BLOOD ON MY NICE LITTLE BED AND HOPEFULLY PASS AWAY.FUCK OFF.
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