the drugging of a life time

dear god, it's me Patrick.

this is horrible. Nothing's happened, and by nothing I mean /nothing/ has happened. And I'm falling apart. You know that feeling you get when you hear terrible news? I feel like that without hearing terrible news. Oh god. This feeling, I want it to go away. Make it go away god. Make it go away. Where's a friend when you need them? Tucked in there beds dreaming. While I sit here dreading every next second this pain gets worse and worse. This may sound like I'm whining or whatever but my heart feels like it's about to explode. Could this be a medical problem? Oh god, what if it is? What if I die from a broken heart? For real this time. Imagine what I'll miss. Just imagine all the goals that will never be acheived. Imagine all the smiles never smiled and the tears never cried. Life is taken easier than it is given, have you ever noticed that? Before you're born someone goes though months of mood swings, pain, and weird food choices, while another living thing /grows/ inside of them. And then they go through birth, and god knows how painful that is. And in the end? Sometimes a life is taken just for another life, and even more rare: neither survives. In death it can be painful and difficult but it can also be easy and painfree. Wow, that really makes me want to turn everything around. Though, knowing me, I never will. I seem to be getting worse and worse. I'm becoming mean. Which is something I never wanted to be. I can insult someone and feel completely fine about, even if they never really did anything. I can hate someone without a good reason, or even any reason at all. The idea of me hating other people for no reason makes me gag. It's horrible to hate. It's horrible to love. All strong emotion is painful. People say love is wonderful but I've survived that car wreck. It's like a long heart attack that's unavoidable. You need that person to survive, you feed off of your partner's love. And no matter how strong of feeling you have (weither it be love or hate, anguish or over joy.) it always goes away. You can't sit there and tell yourself it'll never end but the truth of the matter is that it will. That's why suicide is so obsurb. And the fact that I know these things make it hard to live life. enlightenment is a bitch sometimes. The fact that I won't love to the fullest must make it that much difficult to love me. The fact that I will never fully admit how much I hate your soul will make it harder to know who your friends and who are enimies are. Knowing I'm never truley sad or truely happy makes it harder to know what I want. I'm sorry I'm so difficult and I'm sorry the people in my life have to deal with me. Honestly; if I were you, I'd give up. Patrick, what's so great about him? He's not much of an inspiration, he's not much of a fun guy, he's not much of a cool kid, he's not much of anything now is he? Other than an eye sore and the kid that'll talk your ear off.

My facts are bleeding in truth.

Patrick

D:

07:29, Monday, October 2, 2006 .. Posted by xbrokenxheartedxboyx

Patrick, you're so deep sometimes. When I do this, I don't even understand myself. Do you think like this all of the time?