Angry/Sad/Wishing I had answers!
Posted at 01:00, Saturday, February 23, 2008
I really don't know where to begin with this update! First I think I should make a correction to a previous post and say that this month was the 6 month milestone not last month and I am really feeling it heavy! Heavy with sorrow, anger, and pure pain that I feel without my son! I try so hard to beleive that he is in a better place and happy and healthy but overwhelming hurt and sadness quickly take over. This has to be the hardest thing in the entire world for me to overcome or should I say live with. On February 5th we also lost Carter's and Mariah's dog Teddy. Teddy was the world to Carter he always could not wait to get home from trips to see his bud. Teddy managed to sneek out when the door was open and we found him lying on the sidewalk across the street in front of my moms house. It was very tramatic and almost felt as though we were loosing Carter all over again. I used to think that the house was so quite with Carter not around and now without Teddy it is unbeleivably quite. I have taken Teddy to be cremated and I will be placing him with Carter at the cemetary. I am sure that Carter is pleased to have his little bud with him.
As far as the anger side we have lost several more precious children to neuroblastoma that we had met and became friends with in New York. Just to know what these parents are going thru or many parents have been going thru is so so hurtful. One mom actually said she wished that they made a fentanyl patch for hearts! In the past 5 years I have literally watched the beebo warriors site grow tremendously on the angels side. And for this I have to be honest and say that there is alot of anger. Anger that there is no cure!!!!!
Please pray for all the children that are still battling that soon there is a cure!!!!!! I know that this is not going to save my son but maybe a small piece of some experimental treatment that Carter endured will aid in a cure for these other precious children.
Please do not read this entry and think that I am not doing well I just felt that it was necessary to vent and let it out when appropriate. Everyone continues to trudge thru day by day praying that the hurt might ease just a bit! We will be attending the benefit for the snack cart for 8 north this weekend to help make life a little yummier for those staying in the hospital there is about 24 of us going and Gretchen and I agree that a night of comedy and laughing is what we just might need!
As far as life day to day it is simply that day to day working/school/sleep and that is about the extent. I have been working alot of overtime and Mariah has been putting in alot of extra hours improving her grades. And since she has been grounded from the phone and the computer she has learned to master her art of juggling. I have to say she is pretty good. Anyway for now please continue to support Neuroblastoma research as it is greatly needed in any way that you can.
Rhonda