Ok. here goes. I decided to make this as humorous as I could, given the pain in my hands at the moment, so be happy I am going all out for your benefit....ha ha

Patty and I were talking about cactus and wanting to grow some for the Texas place...(Did I mention I am moving soon? :-)  )  Well, I have 2 cactus plants, "prickly pears" to be exact, and I got them years ago when I worked as a paper delivery person. In the middle of the night I guess you do stupid stuff, as I must have by taking one of the leaves off a client's plant at 3 am and shoving it into my car. Remember, it's 3 am. Dark, and car full of papers.....tired, weary,  you get the point. I also grabbed a piece off a Wysteria bush once, and it did well for awhile in a pot. I figured I could plant a cactus in my yard and have it look really cool....

I managed to find out how 'prickly' a prickly pear really is. The Huge leaves have big spines, which are easy enough to avoid when you pick one, but you don't see the small indeterminate suckers which will never leave you until it's too late. I tried all the ideas, picking up the leaf with a newspaper wrapped around it, after all I had plenty in my car, and gloves, cardboard, you name it. Uh, don't believe everything people tell you. It didn't matter.

Many painful weeks later I was still pulling the tiny spikes, which are as thin as a hair and about as hard to see out of places...well, we won't get into where exactly.....Let's just say I was glad to finally get it home, shoved it in a pot and transplanted it the next day when I wasn't tired.

Seven years after shoving the sucker into the ground, I now have two enormous TREES, covered with lovely yellow flowers and a million or so spikes at each and every spot. I didn't dare move the thing....

Even the neighbors have taken pieces. The Mexican guy next door planted one and it's really big now. Another neighbor saw me out pulling off a piece from the giant one and mentioned he'd like a piece yesterday. I laughed and said, snickering under my breath, "Go for it."  It's his job to get the pieces if he really wants them.

....I remembered how someone mentioned way back that putting them under a bedroom window is a good way to keep a burglar out. I guess so since I have never had a burglar......

But I have locked my keys in the house and had to go through the bedroom window......

So......

Yesterday, I remembered,   "Hey, I read you can EAT the leaves. You just pluck the prickers off and cook the leave and it tastes like green beans."  I had so many and they were big, what could it hurt to try it? So like an ass I go and rip a couple (five actually) of the big leaves off and stick them into a bucket. (wearing heavy gloves) I grabbed about 4 small ones off a smaller cactus to bring to Texas to plant someday. My gloves were covered with the prickers, and everything I touched seemed to grab more of them.

Let me tell you. I wouldn't know how they taste.

I'm still pulling the stupid prickers out of my foot, fingers, blanket, (I have no idea how they got there) carpet, chairs, and various other places we won't mention. I don't know how I will get the three little ones I planted to Texas as they are now in a pot and I have NO intention of moving them again. The fourth small one I put in a pot of water to root. I never got beyond scaling ONE leaf. I didn't even finish THAT. I got tired of pain. Even getting into bed late last night I felt one slide into my big toe....OW.

The taste of the ones I was going to skin and pull prickers off must have been worth it to someone because they were gone this morning from where I had thrown them out the back door after removing the three dozen prickers from my thumb and forefinger again. God bless 'em is all I can say. And good luck....

I guess I will know who took them when I see them running around picking things out of their feet.I just hope they tasted REALLY good....

Till next time:
Cat

PS. More on Texas soon....

I am off to NY in August!!!!!!!!! (YIPPEE!)

I found a site called "Hotwire.com and managed to get a flight (round trip) for $166! Al the other sites I checked were $350 and up, way out of the financial league of this little cat. So, if you REALLY want to save some money, check out Hotwire.com (yeah, plug the little guys, maybe they'll be thrilled for free publicity.) and they are much cheaper than the other sites like and  Travelocity and Priceline. (now, I have to see how awful the flight will be as they don't serve food, and there are only 50 seats on board, which means it is a VERY small plane!)

Here's a link back to Cattitudes. >^..^<

I will keep a journal while gone, and take pics, to be put up here on my return. Hope I won't miss my job TOO much while I'm gone!!!!! (HA! Fat chance!)

I can't wait!

--Cat

Here I come NY! Look out!

Wow. What a weird couple of weeks! I have been suddenly compelled to draw like a madwoman, and have even done a couple of portraits for a coworker/friend. I will put as many as I can here, and links to them also on my other site.
Let me know what you think. I believe I have improved over the last year. I guess inspiration is key. I have been exhausted and happy, two things which seem to go together with me lately. Back problems caused me to take a short rest from work, and that is when I started pulling out all my drawing stuff, books, paper, and pencils, and I am even imagining getting back to watercolors. I haven't painted in quite some time.

Just to let you know AHEAD of time, some are not exactly ones you would want the kiddies to see....I am trying to learn more techniques and as an artist, I don't draw nudity as a way to provoke or upset anyone, but just because the human body is a work of art in itself......(Some are more like Rembrandts and others are more like Michelangelos, ha ha...but I am glad we are all unique.)

Anyway, here's what I have so far....more to come as I get the time. They are all copyrighted, so there is a watermark to prevent theft......takes away from the pic, but it's necessary. They take a little time to open, so be patient. I did resize them for the net, but they are still pretty big pics. Once I get them all online I will move them to a new spot and make them smaller.

----Cat
Woman1
Woman2
Woman3
Woman4

Man1
Man2

Logan1
Logan2

Nude1
Seaman

Horse
Little Girl1

And some of my older stuff is here:

Blue Shark
Tiger Shark
Pastel Seas (a pastel pic, color on black)
Green Sea Turtle
Humpback
Nurse Shark
Great Blue Heron
Sailfish & Tuna
Pines

Deer
Pastel Rose
Until later....

I am going to try to post some pics of my 3 "kids"....my cats.  In the summer I see so many things about them change, their color, their weight, their attitude......sort of like my own.
Some of the pics aren't from this month, or even summer, but ones I found the most "illuminating" into their personalities.
I also have some odd shots of plants, flowers, and my two hummingbirds (male and female) who frequent my feeder outside my living room window.

Hope you enjoy.

Drop me a line and let me know what you think?

Thanks,

"Cat"

 -----------------------------------------------------------------

Here's Mr. Calvin. Ok, so he's just "Cal" but he is so expressive in his face. Here he is staring off toward the car and his big brother, Tucker, who is lounging there. (on my WHITE car's hood!)

And here is Tucker being a ham...

I had wanted a white cat. I got him instead.

He was born with just a hint of cream, and as he got older the orange tabby of his parents showed on his tail, legs and head. I think he's beautiful of course...

And the oldest, but smallest, is Tessa. I nicknamed her "TessaBear" because of her "teddy bear" looks, the white patch on her chest reminds me of baby bear cubs. She is ANYTHING BUT cuddly! She has very short legs and is very small. The vet insisted she wasn't done growing, but she is around 8 now, so I am pretty SURE she's done growing!

Speaking of hams....

Outside my living room window I have put up a hummingbird feeder, which has finally begun to get some use. This is the female, and the male and she take turns coming and going all day long. The female is much more curious and unafraid, watching me at the window, while the male is nearly impossible to catch a pic of as he is so fearful. (just like a man?!) It took ages for them to come to the feeder, but it's in a shady spot which is protected by the tree and house, so they are less afraid of the cats there.

They get so upset when I take the feeder down to clean it!

Back to the cats....

I noticed that they are super fat for awhile, during cooler months, then suddenly almost overnight they become thinner and more lean. They still refuse to come into the house, though Calvin makes a little walkthrough now and then just to see what's new. Tucker has become more and more afraid of me and any noises, and disappears for a day or two sometimes. I am sure he comes to eat but it's when I'm not around. He's the biggest of the 3 but the most fraidy cat of them. Strange...

 Well, as the gas prices are rediculous now, I won't be going to NY for a week in August after all. I am really ticked about it too.

Here's a little view of what I see when I go to the pump!!

Till next time, have a safe and happy 4th of July!

--Cat-

Ok, Ok. I had to post this. Orlando not only has finished a short film which was about NY, but now he is supposed to be going to Hong Kong to work on a new movie! The film, named "The Red Circle" begins filming in June.

Here is a clip I got from a reliable Orli source...

Chow Yun Fat and Johnny To have spoken of cooperating for many years, but so far it has only been talk. Now they truly are collaborating, to make the film The Red Circle, and it has been decided that Chow Yun Fat, Hollywood leading man Orlando Bloom, and star of Schindler’s List Liam Neeson will star in this film about three robbers/vagabonds/jewel thieves (take your pick) who turn Hong Kong and Macao upside down. To’s films have been in the international spotlight during recent years, and for the last two years, many international producers have continuously tried to persuade him to direct an international film. After much consideration, To finally decided to cooperate with a French Studio to film the remake of Jean-Pierre Melville’s Le Cercle Rouge. Not only will filming be funded by international studios, but Lin Jian Yue (rich Chinese guy) and his studio are also involved. The film is estimated to cost 4 million U.S. dollars. At first, Chow was undecided, and Orlando had to personally phone him to persuade him. During the rewrite of the script, To not only employed American script writers, but also invited Wei Jia Hui (Chinese screenwriter?) to help. Orlando loved the script when he read it, and very quickly signed on. Chow, because of a scheduling clash, was a bit unsure about this, but while he was in Mexico filming Dragonball Z, Orlando phoned Mrs. Chow to ask her to help him persuade Chow to take part in The Red Circle, and To also helped to persuade him. Due to their sincerity, Chow finally agreed. Yesterday, To told reporters that “filming will commence in June. Most outdoor scenes will take place in Macau. Only one-third will take place in Hong Kong. Concerning the actors, only Orlando’s participation has been confirmed. The others have not yet signed contracts. After the film passes through producers next week, the cast will be confirmed. I really hope that Chow Yun Fat can take part in this because it’s a gun-wielding movie, and his best type of movie. Also, he and Orlando have already worked together on Pirates of the Caribbean. I really hope they can work together again.” The original Red Circle was set in France. In the remake, the setting will be changed to Hong Kong and Macau. Instead of being jewel thieves, the three main characters will now rob jewellery stores (what’s the difference?) and casinos. The three criminals will be hunted by the International Police, or InterPol, and while fleeing, the three will show their friendship and loyalty to each other. Since it is a rather masculine movie, the female character is not too important, so To does not intend to cast a very famous actress for the part.

 

Yippee!! I think my LOTR and Pirates DVD's will be grateful for the change. I can't say I am thrilled with his choice of "women" (I use the term loosely, she is all of 22) or that he will be leaving our country for awhile, but the idea of finally getting to see a new movie of his, seeing him at ALL, will outweigh all my concerns!

I figure if it finishes filming in 6 months or so, maybe by next spring we will be able to see it, or maybe they wil shoot for Christmas?

Ok. On top of that news, he is bringing his pooch along. At a cost of $4000!

Be aware, I absolutely HATE E! online and anyone affiliated with Eonline or ET tv show. They do nothing but post absolute BS about Orli and along with some other rag mags I have since boycotted their shows and sites. This was an exception, as it is only an exerpt and was posted on another Orli site. I hate GOSSIP. But like I said, I am desperate to hear any news of Orli's latest endeavor, so here goes nothing:

Read on:

A-List Secrets: How Posh Pups Fly in Style

posted by Sarah

No kiddin....My cats are lucky if I get them flea medicine each month at a cost of $40 a month! If I had to go to Hong Kong, they would be out on their butts.....lol.

Anywho, where has the time gone? It's been ages since I have been here, but I will try to update more often.

Maybe.

Here's my other blog: http://clearblogs.com/WTF

and :                               http://clearblogs.com/germany2007

Se ya later....

I thought up the name for this entry while doing some much needed cleaning around the house, putting clothes away (still not done), washing sheets, moving furniture (haven’t actually moved anything yet, keep reading), throwing out floppy disks and junk (can’t make the floppy disk drive work, so I threw out the disks….long story), washing three loads of clothes (still unfolded and on the bed which is still unmade), washing a sinkful of dishes (still not done) and chatting with a friend online today.

I had every intention of getting up, cleaning like a madwoman and having a full day so I could rest tomorrow. You know what they say about intentions…. I started out washing sheets from the bed. No biggy, except that that required moving all the unfolded clothes to another spot, and they ended up in a pile on the chair and in a basket which is already overflowing. I proceeded to the kitchen to put something away there, and ended up nearly breaking my neck on junk which had fallen off the counter (when the washer spins the whole damn place spins too, knocking whatever is not tied down to the floor). So I started to clean up the kitchen.

I forgot about the bedroom. Decided to make a pot of coffee too while there, and had a cig too. Found something I remembered I wanted to do in the living room, so I began that project, which was shredding mail I had placed next to the pc to be shredded, and as I did that I found something that belonged in the spare room, which I proceeded to put away.

In the spare room, which is always freezing or ridiculously hot depending on what season it is, is a mess. So I began to clean out two boxes of junk, tossing stuff into one of the boxes I had planned to chuck. While doing that I smelled the coffee, so I went back to kitchen to get some. Throwing stuff away in the meantime in kitchen trash, and realizing the trash was full, I decided to go outside and bring the big can back to the house where I usually keep it since I had rolled it to the curb for pickup yesterday. So now I put the box and junk into the trash, take out the kitchen bag of trash, and make my way to get coffee…..still with me?

While back in the kitchen I realize the clothes are done and have to go into the dryer. So I proceed to the washer to remove wet sheets and put into dryer. Dryer is already full. Put sheets into dryer anyway, and turn on.

Look into bedroom, see mess still on floor needing to be put away and remember the furniture I had planned to move, so I begin cleaning a path. Find a towel and instead of putting onto the pile to be put away, I walk back to kitchen to put towel in kitchen drawer. Drawer is stuck, which is because the stupid plastic lids I keep in drawer above that one are sticking up in the drawer, making the bottom one inoperable. Next project, clean out drawer…….but not today.

Look at mess in kitchen, decide to sweep floor. Move trash can to sweep under it, trash container is filthy, so I decide to wash it. Empty can and bring to bathroom to wash in tub/shower. While can is drying out, go back and finish floor. Sweep up debris, but nowhere to put now since can is in bathroom drying. Bring debris outside and dump it in big can.

Meanwhile vacuum is in the kitchen by back door, so I have to keep moving it to get out to the trashcan. Back to floor. As I am sweeping, decide the mats by sink are dirty and throw toward the washer. Knock over cat dishes full of water and food with mats, and have to clean it up. Now broom is not only full of dust and dirt, but wet too. Meanwhile dryer is still on. Realize it needs to be shut off, since stupid thing forgets to turn off now and I always have to do it manually. Look into bedroom, which is still messy. Shake head and continue back to living room.

Decide to shred more stuff since the shredder shut itself off after one really big piece of paper and had to cool down…As I start shredding the can begins to fill so I have to toss it to make more room, back to the garbage can outside. Somehow, in the midst of everything else, I still haven’t eaten or drunk my coffee. Stop for a sip, it’s cold.

Go back to cleaning spare room up, get caught up in looking at some craft stuff and decide to put aside the craft magazines to “use later for an idea” which I must have done over 6 years ago and now they are right back to where I put them at that time…. I decided to turn on the pc to check my email……but my computer had other ideas. In between checking back and forth to see if I was online yet, I managed to go to the bathroom, wash a lampshade in the bathtub, throw the clean clothes onto the bed, and drink a couple of swallows of coffee.

In the bedroom I had to fix the tower of clothes which suddenly shifted and fell onto the floor. While doing so, I noticed my suitcase against the wall which has sat in the same place since I returned from Germany in August. Now, why didn’t I put that away yet?, I asked myself. As I reached inside to make sure I had gotten all my stuff out of it so I could zip it up, I felt something sticky… Upon looking inside, I saw a cough drop which seemed to have melted all over the inside of my suitcase and now I was covered in the slimy, sticky pink goo.

Lovely...

I removed the cough drop, and took the lint roller and hair band I had left in the suitcase which now also were gooey, and went back to the kitchen to get some spray cleaner and a cloth. Of course that meant trying to get around the mess on the counter which needed to be washed, and finding some paper towels, since the roll had run out earlier and I didn’t bother to put new ones in. Once I got that done, I went back to wash out the suitcase. A quick spray and now it’s clean. Whew, that wasn't so bad after all...

I zipped it up and heard a familiar “twang” from my computer, telling me I had email. I walked back to the living room after leaning the suitcase back against the wall, and began to check my mail. I never went back to the bedroom, at least not till later, because I got caught up chatting up a friend in Israel.

Sometime later I decided I needed a short nap.

It wasn’t going to be as easy as one would think.

Since I was too tired to make the bed, and I didn’t really want to dive into the pile of clean clothes for the sheets, I rolled myself up in a blanket and laid my head down. I didn’t wake up till about 2 hours later!

Here it is now, 9 pm. I finally ate some dinner. I washed ½ the dishes, and sat down to watch tv for a little while, and to write this. The floor is still unvacuumed, the clothes not put away, and though I have a nice clean lampshade and garbage can, I don’t have much else to show for the day, except that that stupid suitcase is finally de-stickified. But still leaning against the wall....

So remember, don’t leave a cough drop in your suitcase for 7 months, because it’s gonna be there until it annoys the crap out of you or you need to use it again, and by then you may be in a hurry and just throw all your stuff into it, get them covered in gooey pink cough drop, and it may take all day to clean it up.

 Tomorrow is Sunday. My day of rest. So the house will still look the same way till at least next weekend…

After the long hard holiday season, things almost  got back to normal....but then I had some pc problems and now I am BACK!  My pc is slower than ever......lol

I had so many new ideas for discussion, but of course they are mostly gone now.  That's what happens when you don't jump on things when they first come to you.

One thing I want to mention is how sad I was to hear of the untimely death of a great actor, Heath Ledger. I had a marathon of his movies last weekend,  including my OBsession, Orlando Bloom, in 'Ned Kelly'.  (man is he hot or what?)
I was getting ready to leave for a conference in Macon, GA at some unGodly hour like 5 am, and I had just stepped out of the shower. I went to the living room to get a cigarette and turn on the radio while I got dressed. The only thing I heard was, "right after this we will talk about blah blah, and the tragic death of actor Heath Ledger."

My jaw dropped. I was in shock. He was one of the few actors who I could watch in just about any kind of movie and enjoy it. "Brokeback mountain" was NOT among my favorite movies, but he was still great in it.  There are a few I still haven't even seen yet.

I wondered how Orli took the news. I have been watching various shows lately, but ET is NOT one. I am boycotting them (again) because they insist on reporting shit that isn't true, following around people who are grieving, and are just one more reason the paparrazzi are still making asses of themselves. They rana whole mess of stuff from Orli's car accident, which was CAUSED by photographers in the first place, and I got so upset I stopped watching for good. For God sake, give celebs a break will ya?! I am SO sick of hearing about Britney Spears, I wish they would get a life already.

-------------------------------------------------------
Update: February  2, 2008

Still having pc problems. I hate the internet sometimes. It's getting slower and slower on the weekends.....or is it my pc?

Anywho, not much to update. Except my job SUCKS, and I am putting feelers out for something new.....I love my job. Mostly. I am tired of the crap I put up with tho, and not getting paid for all I do. I even worked 1 hour o/t on Friday and I won't get paid for it. Ever since my job outsourced most of us to a temp agency, things have gone from bad to worse. I keep waiting for things to improve, but they just get worse instead.
I don't get sick days, only 6 of the 12 holidays with pay, and everything is pick pick pick. I am tired of working for free.

If I leave, I know things will fall into the shitter,  they have no idea how to do all I do. And there are only 2 other CPS' in the whole organization. My supervisor would go apeshit too. She has been in pissy mode lately, and I am tired of it. She nitpicks about EVERYTHING!

And to top it all off I am dealing with my depression again. It has been worse since I have to do twice as much with less pay. Like I always say, the clients are the only reason I am still here.......that and gas prices are rediculous too. I can't AFFORD to look elsewhere since my gas would be gone and I would be in the poorhouse.......oh wait, I already AM in THE POORHOUSE!

Maybe tomorrow I will think of something more "positive" to write about.......

but I doubt it......

 Enjoy!

 

Ingredients

 

• 1 Whole fryer chicken. (skinned if desired)
• 10 cups Chicken broth, or 10 bullion cubes in 10 cups h2o*
• 1 package/1 pound whole carrots
• 1 package/head of celery
• ½ onion chopped, or 1 TBS dried, chopped onion
• ½ cup sweet peas, frozen
• 1 cup barley
• Salt/pepper to taste*
• Rubbed dried sage

 

 

I cook the whole chicken in a crock pot for about 2-3 hours on HIGH heat. (Depending on size.)  Just shake some salt and pepper on the outside and in, and pour about ½ cup of water in the bottom to keep it moist. Then let it cool and removed the skin, fat and bones.  (It doesn’t have to be cooked to death! It will continue to cook in the soup. Just make sure it is loose enough to remove from the bones.)   I usually drain and strain the liquid from the chicken and freeze it, then remove the fat and use the liquid in the soup. Cut chicken into small chunks about ½ inch, set aside. Do not wash crock pot unless you aren’t ready to continue right away. I keep it on LOW, add about 1 cup of water or some of the stock.

 

Meanwhile, clean the celery, and peel the carrots. I use about ¾ of a head of celery, you can use more or less to your liking. Cut both the carrots and celery into ¼ inch thick slices. Throw in some of the tops/leaves of the celery too, but cut them up.

 

Mix the bullion in water, or use the stock if you have it. Pour into the same crock pot as the chicken was, but instead of washing it, leave the bits from the chicken, they add flavor. Just get the fat out as much as possible.  Mix in the sage and vegetables, including the onion, but NOT the peas. (They cook faster, so you don’t need them yet.)

 

Cook on HIGH unless you have a lot of time, and when the vegetables are tender, add your barley and allow to cook well. When barley is soft and cooked, add the peas and chicken. Salt and pepper to taste.

Tastes even better the following day. It will take about 4 hours to cook all the ingredients together. 6-8 if you use LOW and like more tender veggies.

*Here's a little cook's trick/hint: Save the water/liquid from canned veggies and frozen ones that are cooked to add later to stocks. You get the benefits of the vitamins and flavor without wasting them down the drain. I freeze them and save them to use later on.

**I don’t worry too much about the salt content in this like usual because when I am sick I don’t get enough fluids, so a little salt keeps me hydrated more. Otherwise I wouldn’t use so much bullion or salt.

 

 

Sick little kitty Cat needs a hug....

One of the great things about my job (yeah, there are some perks) is that we are such a small building that we're like a family. Everyone is very sweet and family oriented, and Christian. One of my co-workers and I have to have a great big hug from one another each and every day. If we see each other in the hall and don't get a hug, we whine. So when she comes in (an hour or so after I do) I look for her, and it's usually funny to hear everyone else say, 'Ok, enough already!" because our hugs are good ones. I read somewhere years ago that a person needs an average of 8 hugs per day to be a strong and happy person. I barely get 2. So you can imagine I miss it. And I am single and unattached......so.....

I found that a good hug every day can make me feel so much better.  Even on my worst days, just the sheer physical contact of another warm human being is enough to get me through the hardest days. Plus I get to smell the latest perfume....hehhe. We nearly squeeze the life out of each other sometimes. If I ever choke on something and need the Heimlich manuever, I want her to give it! A hug a day keeps ....well, something away.....

However......

This week my friend had a cold.

And now so do I.......



For heaven sake, I didn't KISS her! Why'd I have to get sick ????

I told her at the time, "Oh, don't worry about it, I won't get it."

"You'll be sorry!" She said.

yup.

I realize, when I am feeling already stressed and overtired, I tend to get sick very easily. This was a week of stress; from audits to screaming clients, driving all over town with 12 people, going into stores and restaurants where other people brought their own germs, I had a shitty week. I didn't sleep or eat properly, I didn't dose up on extra vitamins like I usually do. I have a house which is cold most days because I can't afford to have gas heat. (I use electric heaters) The weather has been 30's in the mornings and 80's in the afternoons, and I smoke, which isn't good.  I just wasn't doing what I usually do to prevent a cold.

After this big scare with Staph infections in the news, (and in our area) I made a plea to the clients and staff to wash their hands constantly, cover their mouths when they cough or sneeze with a tissue, wash the tables and other surfaces with antibacterial wipes, use hand sanitizer gel, spray all the door handles and phones with Lysol, and basically be smart about not coming in when they were sick------ and I am the one who got sick!!!

There's just no justice in this world!

(My boss said, "Will it away...tell yourself you aren't getting sick." HA! TRIED IT. Not helping.....The germ is stronger than my will I think....Positive thinking isn't going to help every ill.)

So on Thursday I began to get a sore throat, which is how I almost always know it's coming....Then the sniffles, coughing, sneezing....oh Lord the sneezing! By Friday I was pretty icky. I had to drive a friend to the airport at 5 am  on Friday too, so I didn't get any sleep the night before. Then afterward I went right to work at 6 and got off early at 2 pm. The changing weather has been hell too, and by yesterday afternoon all I wanted was my mommy.

After I got out of work I picked up some chicken soup stuff and lots of tissues. (great chicken soup recipe to follow) I swear by chicken soup and orange juice.  I paid way more than normal for a head of celery and some carrots just because it was the little mom & pop grocery store near my house, but I didn't care.  Money be damned, I was SICK!

So what was yesterday like? Imagine if you will, a pile of snot so disgusting dripping down your throat and making you sound like you were sucking lime jello through a straw every time you sniffled, a box of tissues being emptied in record time, and basically a big whining baby in jammies all day eating chicken soup and cough drops and you can sort of see into my world.

I went out on Saturday to get some more supplies, such as Cottonelle wipes (don't ask),  cold medicine with nasal decongestant and pain killers, tissues, Lysol wipes and spray,  orange juice, a box of Cappuccino mix (instant) and a new pair of warm pajamas.  I dreaded going out  but I knew if I didn't I wouldn't feel like it later on. And surprisingly I didn't sleep late anyway, so I was out the door by 10 am. (hey, don't laugh, usually I sleep in on Saturday and 10 am is like dawn for me). 


I ran to the local Dollar General and grabbed what I needed, including the jammies which are a soft fleece top and bottoms, purple of course (my favorite color) and paid $4 for the orange juice, (which I didn't want to pay but when I am sick the retailers make out like bandits. I  don't think twice about paying more when I am sick because I just want to get the hell out of the store and back to my bed!) I also stopped to get my mail at the post office box which contained two dvd's I had sent for, which made for a nice relaxing night.

I remember when I was a kid my mom would make me these Alba chocolate shakes with an egg in them. They were so good! (I could use one right now mom if you're up to it)....It was the only thing I could get down sometimes and get some protein. And COLD! It made my throat feel so good.

So, little kitty needs a hug, a chocolate shake, and some T.L.C. Chances are I will be well by Tuesday - yippee, just in time to go back to work......ugh.

Happy Veterans' Day.

-------Cat

I am now a paying member of Clearblogs so I have many more choices of styles for the page look. I am trying several new ones, so let me know what you think ok? I have also tried a skully one which is pretty cool, but I wasn't sure it fit the subject matter. The Germany Blog will remain with the header I made myself until I decide whether or not to keep it.

Also you will be happy to know there are no more advertisements at the top or bottom of my pages. (or anywhere else).

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-------Cat

MYSPACE

Germany 2007 Day 3
Just updated, so head over and check it out.

I spent the last couple of days trying to get online to my financial institution to check my balance. (Let's just say I am not the biggest on keeping up with my bank balance through the ledger) and I get a little nervous while I wait for the "accessing your account, please wait" which flashes on my screen. I wait and wait, in hopes that when I finally get in that everything will be as expected. Having begun using direct deposit the last few years, I still have a hard time believing money just "appears" once every two weeks in my account, and I am always a little fearful of seing red if things aren't as they should be.
In my head I always know, "It's all in there, what are you worrying about?" But today when I finally made it into the final screen to check the balance, I was more than relieved. I had 2 bills to pay today and wanted to be sure I had enough to cover them, which obviously I did. But I still can't seem to ever feel "safe", you know?
After explaining to a friend at work how nervous I always seem to get, I suddenly had a realization, "I know WHY I feel like this!"

I thought back to when I was with my ex. We used to have to wrap pennies at times for gas. Sometimes even for food. We were poor, poor, poor. I guess all relationships go through this at some time, but we had it rough for a long time. It was one reason we moved to Georgia in '94. In the south we had more options, more could be bought for less, and rent is much cheaper here. In NY we paid $550 on a one bedroom, tiny apartment which had the worst bathroom, kitchen and leaking windows. We lived in frezing conditions at times, the heat was supplied by radiators in the kitchen and living room, and the one in our bedroom got so hot at times, or never hot enough at others.

We shoveled the snow, raked the leaves,  cleaned the rugs, and still we felt like we lived in a pigsty. Eventually when we moved out, we gave up on vacuuming the rugs, they were so old and gray that a vacuum would only have highlighted the dirt underneath. So we didn't. Didn't make a difference, the landlady had already told us she had NO intention of returning our deposit, though we had made numerous repairs and changes out of our own pocket. So we knew it wouldn't have mattered one way or the other.

But in GA, we started to get ahead. We had food in the house all the time, stuff to claim as our own. We began to see how the "normal" people lived.  We suddenly had some freedom.

Of course, at the time I didn't realize that my ex was drinking more and more, and I wa in the dark all the time. Maybe I just didn't want to know. I can't say now. But the fact was we always seemed to be running out of money again.

When we moved to our last apartment together, things increasingly got worse. He started tapping our accounts when I wasn't  around. He would go out of town on jobs and take money out of the ATM at any time, tap into it more than once a day, and eventually set it into an overdrawn state. I was always finding excuses for it, setting things right with our creditors, and explaining things away even to myself. I grew ever more angry and disillusioned about marriage. He would drink or gamble every penny we had saved away. And it wasn't much to begin with, but I had managed to finally get things straightened out and he would screw it all up again.
In the last of our relationship, he dealt me one final blow. He took everything out of our checking account and spent it on a downpayment to his new apartment, which meant I couldn't pay the rent on our old place, and I was a part time cashier.  I got a second job, which made no difference, then switched to a 60 hour a week full time job which stressed me out so badly I had a nervous breakdown and had to quit. (you know when your hair begins to fall out in clumps that something isn't right.)
I finally quit that job and got into a worse situation with money not coming in at all. I was still paying off overdrawn money from the bank, repaying other things. I was so angry and hurt, and nothing seemed to matter. Every time in the past I had had heart palpitations when I went to our account and saw it was empty. The bank told me they couldn't do anything, that I was on the sign up so I was as responsible as he was. I finally got the account closed, but still had to pay back the bounced checks.

So, I guess nowadays, even when I know  MY money is going into the bank, I feel that twinge when I check my balance because I am always afraid of the return of the bank bandit. I know he is long gone now, and he dug himself into such debt that his prized pickup truck was repossessed and he went to jail for something else, and he ended up with NOTHING. But somehow the fear remains. The panic still comes to haunt me, and I am never able to fully feel safe.

People wonder why I say I won't date. Why won't I get married again.....?

I have no trust. I don't feel safe. One abusive ex, the second a drunk and other names I won't bore you with, and I just don't feel like I need to give my heart, money or anything else away to someone else. Maybe one day I will trust again, but at the moment, it isn't likely.

If and when I ever date again, he had better have a good job, his own money, and not have issues. I just cant' afford to lose anything anymore. Mostly my heart.

Night,
Cat

If you can see the header, be happy. I spent all darn day working on it. If you can't see it, well, tough noogies I guess......no just kidding. Let me know one way or the other.
I am pretty happy with it, and I will probably leave it for awhile. Got sick of looking at the "tunnel" one I had before.
Ok, now to get back to making those dvds of my trip.......oh it never ends.......
C