Description
If you're reading this, a certain Korean has entrusted you with something that she doesn't hand over to everybody- several fragments of her soul. Be gentle, be blessed.
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Self-Window
I am Danielle. I speak for nobody.
I am any, as you.
Do you know me?
I am Danielle of two: two names, two directions, two harmonies,
In whose blood burns a coward and heroine, in whose eyes is a spark and a shadow.
My soul is the hue of frozen light; I am staring out windows, longing to see shapes in the heavy mist, be they dark or celestial, I only wish to see.
Can you see me?
I am Danielle, who is quick of mind and slow of wit,
I am admired, appreciated, analyzed: I am forgotten as eyes slide away.
I am Danielle, thirsting for originality, but I am Danielle, craving conformity,
Who fears conflict, trembling, lights ablaze, drinks it in, spews it out,
A fire-eater, drunk on that which is fatal.
Am I simple in your eyes?
I am Danielle, who longs to breathe beauty, and I will strain my eyes to blindness to find it, searching as brown plants search for sunlight.
I shall wither, or I shall blossom; either way, you have known me, and I am valued.
Awkward silence is mine, and dearly cherished stillness is mine.
I poke at distant souls,
And will flee from any half-formed beast,
But if you are a half-formed beast I will love you to fullness.
Have I loved you?
I am Danielle, who sings with her being, dances alone to the silence, turns to stone in the presence of faces, loving or cold.
I squeeze, pat, and bend words into the shape of my flickering thoughts.
You have seen them; they are not true.
I am a sculptor with hands too rough and heavy.
I am a half-hearted artist of dreams that will crush my regrets, those actions trickling out as sand between my fingers, grandeur carried halfway home.
I am Danielle, with voice too loud and words too soft.
Can you hear me?
I am Danielle, an eternal amateur.
Brimming with talent and possibility and “if,” of everything,
I shall be always good, I shall never be great, blessed and cursed so.
I have grown up too fast and left myself behind, and I am behind you with silent understanding even as you look up at me.
I have watched you, and seen you, and known you, and loved you, and envied you.
Would you believe me?
I am Danielle, flowing in this place, with every flame, drop, wisp, and grain.
I am aware of all that is in me, and therefore of all that is, and nothing that matters.
I shall project myself upon you, and leave myself within you, and I shall travel the world with you, share in your sufferings and your love and your quiet dreams.
A duckling in the egg has longed as I have, and feared as I have.
What are you aware of?
I will leave this room and forget I am Danielle. I will continue, ashamed for a moment.
You will squint your eyes after me and mutter your confusion and your doubt.
You have not known me for long, so don’t think long on me; I am simpler than you think, I am less than you think, and you are more to me than you know.
You will leave this room as you leave any other.
How many have you left before?
I am Danielle. I speak for nobody.
I am any, as you.
I will write galaxies of pages, and you will read this one.
Will you remember me? |
Posted: 11:21 PM, Sunday, February 13, 2005 |
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