Maggie's Musings

Monday, March 5, 2007 - Asperger's, Elsie Dinsmore Dolls, & Sewing

Howdy All.

 

I've been doing well, as have my children. My oldest son Tom is the one who has Asperger's Syndrome. He is 14 now, and in deference to his teenage privacy I have chosen not to write too much about him on my blog. I will cover some basics in this entry and then maintain his privacy on most other things.  I would have been mortified if my mother had written all about me on her blog when I was 14, and I think Tom deserves some courtesy in this matter.

 

As for how I'm dealing with things, well, it's hard to say. For the most part we're doing what we usually do which is keep our family flexible so we can accomodate one another's needs. Tom says he doesn't think he has Asperger's and then other times he says maybe he does. He may never be "normal" socially, but niether are his Father or I, or his grandparents or cousins for that matter, so it's not such a big deal to us. Also, in my family there is a long and well documented history of mental illness, so we are used to making allowances for people who are different from us, whether in thought, behavior, or socially or whatever.

 

Tom is very high functioning for someone with Asperger's syndrome and the doctor's say that we have done well by him so far, which is a relief to a mother's heart. He wasn't diagnoses earlier because when he was younger Asperger's was brand new and no one was looking for it the way they are today. Also his IQ is way up there, so that always confused the doctors. Social challenges are difficult to diagnose when the doctors don't see the child in social situations. Also, he was my first child, aside from his half-sisters who I didn't meet until they were 4 & 6, so I didn't have anyone else to compare his progress to. He was on the slow side of some developmental issues, but within normal for the most part so the doctors said he was fine. When he was 5 I tried to take him to a child psychologist to see what was up and all he could talk about was sexual abuse. I explained that Tom had been with us or his Aunt or Grandparent's his whole life and that there really hadn't been any room for someone to abuse him. Besides, he was such an honest child, he would have told me right away if someone had touched him in a way he didn't like. But he literally hadn't had more than 5 minutes without Fred or I or Grandma or Aunt, so I was positive that the opportunity to hurt him hadn't existed. By the time the Doctor figured out that Tom had not been molested, he decided that he was fine, perfectly normal, except for a little slow about a few things. So I just decided the doctor must be right.

 

I knew all along though that there were a few things that were odd, like someone else mentioned, laboring over homework that should have only taken a few minutes, only for him it took hours. Also his social functioning was limited and he often felt a lot of stress in social situations. Well, most of you know my husband Fred (Tom's dad) is Agoraphobic, so it was normal for us to be accomodating of social anxiety. Also, Tom was stressed by situations that don't stress the rest of us, he was (and is) sensitive to smells, textures, sounds especially, and things of that nature. It's over-stimulating to him. He likes to wear long sleeves even in the summer, which we let him do. He likes to snuggle with a blanket during his leisure time, which we think is fine. He always uses a quilt, either one his great-grandmother or an aunt or his grandma made, and in our family snuggling with a blanket is pretty normal, so we don't think much of it. He likes to sit in laundry baskets, always had, and so be it. I liked boxes when I was a girl, though I didn't play in them so much when I was a teenager. Still, it helps with the sensory problems, so that's a good thing. He chants, he runs in place, he blurts thing out at inappropriate times. All of these things we've already encountered in other family members with various diagnoses of mental illness. While Tom isn't mentally ill, he does have some issues that are easier to deal with through counseling and that's the main treatment we're seeking right now. He's on Concerta for the ADHD and it helps him a lot.

 

The diagnosis, I"m not sure how it was made. I told the doctor he had it, the doctor said okay, and suggested which Counselors would be the most help. There's not so much they can do for it one way or the other, I mean with medicines and things of that nature. For the most part it seems to be a matter of learning how to take care of oneself and accomodate one's discomfort as best as possible. Like "How can I take care of myself when my mother takes me shopping?" or "What can I do to relieve my stress when I have to sit still in church."

 

We've spent years teaching both of our guys the difference between appropriate and inappropriate behavior in public and at home. They know the difference between how to behave in the store and how to behave in your own livingroom. What to do when there are guests and what to do when it's just close friends and family. Mostly we've just taught them good manners and while they still need some work, for the most part they are well behaved.

 

Over the past few months we've seen a lot of improvements and we are confident that things will continue to improve. If Fred and I had different parenting techniques then things wouldn't be as good as they are now. Our flexibility and willingness to accept our children as they are, as God made them, regardless of their foibles and eccentricities has given Tom a leg up on how to accomodate his needs and deal with them. As parents Fred and I are very strict where it matters, like don't run into the road or tell the truth as often as possible, and more accepting where it doesn't matter, like being a social butterfly, wearing "normal" clothes or singing and chanting when necessary to deal with stress. We're an eccentric family by nature and having Asperger's in the family is more "normal" to us that having average children. God knows what each child needs and gives them the parent's who will best serve them.

 

As for dieitng, I"ll be climbing back on that horse in the next few days or weeks. I've gained 6 pounds and am loathe to keep them.

 

I'm also working on doll clothes again, and have fallen head over heals in love with Elsie Dinsmore Dolls from A Life of Faith. I've read 6 of the Elsie Dinsmore books and am enjoying them more than I can even describe. The dolls are so beautiful too. I had a 25% off coupon for my local Family Christian Book store and bought an Elsie doll with income tax return money. She's the most expensive doll I've ever owned and I adore her. She has curly brown hair just like me =). A Life of Faith Dolls, like Elsie, are all vinyl, they don't have a soft body like other 18" play dolls. They are about the same size as American Girls (AG) dolls though, except for slightly larger feet and slightly narrower chest and waist. All the AG doll clothes patterns fit them just fine and I'm sewing lovely wardrobes for my all dolls, Elsie and her adopted sisters from the Springfield Line. Springfield dolls  are the poor woman's answer to American Girl dolls. They're $16.00 at craft stores like Michael's and if you use the 40% off coupon available in most Sunday papers then they are about $10. They are pretty dolls too, and the same size as AG.  Their hair is a little thin and that makes it a little harder to style, but they're still fun to sew for. One day I'll sell handmade doll clothes on a website, but until then, I'm enjoying the sewing and cutting and desiging and all of that fun stuff.

 

I hope to get back to regular updates, for the time being at least, and I want to let you all know how thankful I am for your prayers and encouragement. --MM

Post A Comment!

Monday, March 5, 2007 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Anonymous
I tried to post a comment, but it didn't take! Anyway, we missed you and I'm glad to see you back! I love thinking of you enjoying your dolls and designing doll clothes as you do the hard work of caring for a family, home schooling, etc. So glad your boy has parents who accept him as he is.
Ragamuffin
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Monday, March 5, 2007 - Yay! It's Maggie

Posted by Anita (unashamed)
Hiya! Nice to see you again. You're so often in my thoughts and prayers. I was just thinking today that I might encourage the "ladies" (what's left of the old Faithprints gang, now on Blogger) to remember you in prayer. Good to hear that you are all doing well. Now I have good news to give them as well! Please say hi to your mom for me. Hope she's well. Take good care and talk to you soon!
<br>
<br>Blessings,
<br>Anita
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Tuesday, March 6, 2007 - So glad you're still around!

Posted by Anonymous
I really enjoy reading your blog, and I'm so glad you and all your family are doing well. I live on the other side of the world, I work full time and I'm not yet a mother, but I find your site amazing and inspiring.

thanks for all you do,

Kristin
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Tuesday, March 6, 2007 - how did you know...

Posted by Anonymous
how did you know, i was looking for you today?>????

congrats on dealing with your son, with love and acceptance...some things just are the way they are...and who cares if it helps them cope and causes no harm....that's my motto, if it does no harm and can only help....DO IT....

i have done poorly in the weight lose dept...im well stuck at 218, on my 5'3 frame.....after talking to my dr...he says to reach 135 (the high range for my bmi) that i should be at about 1200 cal a day....way below what "current" beliefs are....too low we all scream....but that's how its supposed to be, with a high content of vegetables and fruit...imagine that....that gorgeous stuff god created for us to eat. nothing needed to do to it to enjoy...god's bounty...i always felt odd limiting those...

so i'm on a journey to get myself to 1200 cal , in a healthy appropriate way..

just wanted to give you a thumbs up for your previous plan as it seems you were right on the button

Celina in Canada
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Tuesday, March 6, 2007 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Anonymous
So glad things are looking up.
You and your family have been
in my prayers. I check your blog
daily to see if there is an update.
I was glad to see this one.

Have a wonderful day.
Rebecca
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Tuesday, March 6, 2007 - Been keeping you in my prayers

Posted by preaching
Very glad to hear that things are getting better. Been keeping you and your family in my prayers. Keep up your strength, spiritually, physically, and mentally.
<br>
<br>God Bless You
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Wednesday, March 7, 2007 - nice to see you back

Posted by Anonymous
Glad to hear things are going well with your family. You and your husband sound like the perfect parents for your son. Your boys are blessed to have you two as parents. Has your sister had her baby yet? How is baby Veronica doing?
<br>
<br>Ann from Canada
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Wednesday, March 7, 2007 - family

Posted by Anonymous
I'm so glad to see your post! I wish your children the best; they're blessed to have you guys as their parents.

Happy Homemaker
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Wednesday, March 7, 2007 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Anonymous
So glad to see you back! I have a son that sounds a bit like yours, in fact, while at a big event recently where we had to go into a dark room to see some physics experiments he was so nervous he literally was just shuffling his feet mumbling ... poor kid ... but at that moment I thought, "who's to say he's not the normal one here?" I mean, a huge, strange, dark room, full of people should be a scary place ... maybe the rest of us are just so corrupted by a chaotic world that we are numb to it? He's such a great, tender hearted kid that I'm thankful for his special personality! You inspire me to embrace his specialness.
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Wednesday, March 7, 2007 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Anonymous
Thanks for the update. I was getting worried about you. Your website and blog is such an encouragement to so many people. I understand your desire to protect your son's privacy, but I'm sure people just want to help. Sounds like he is doing well.

I too love dolls! I feel such a loss at times because I don't have a daughter to play with and share girly things like that.

Best wishes always.
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Wednesday, March 7, 2007 - A Blessed Picture of Family

Posted by wendy
Hi Maggie, Another Yay to see you back : )

I was actually very moved by this post. I'm not exactly conventional either (understatement, try quirky times a hundred), and my partner too--and yet in the deeper issues we find ourselves very traditional. What you said here kind of finds the words I couldnt (even though I'm not a parent at this point, so more about things in general):

"Fred and I are very strict where it matters, like don't run into the road or tell the truth as often as possible, and more accepting where it doesn't matter, like being a social butterfly, wearing "normal" clothes or singing and chanting when necessary to deal with stress. We're an eccentric family by nature and having Asperger's in the family is more "normal" to us that having average children. God knows what each child needs and gives them the parent's who will best serve them."

Anyway, something about this post gives a deeper picture of your family than any other has--and the kindness of your family, the heart there, well something just really shines through. And it was a joy to read : )

Blessed Week : ) Wendy
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Thursday, March 8, 2007 - Apsergers Kids

Posted by Ellen
Hi. I had read your blog before and thought your family sounded similar to mine, but I had no idea how similar. My daughter is 12 and was just diagnosed with Aspergers. She has always had some sensory stuff (also loves cuddling with soft blankets and stuffed animals). Doesn't do well socially at all, really just doesn't connect with the other kids. I am still struggling with how to get her the help she needs. Hope you are getting good support from your drs.
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Friday, March 9, 2007 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Anonymous
Oh, Miss Maggie, I'm glad things are going ok! I've really missed you, glad to see you back!

Hugs

Cari (coyotemist on PH)
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Friday, March 9, 2007 - "Gifted" children

Posted by Susan in Racine
Our lovely 4-year-old Noelle has verbal apraxia which is improving through therapy at her school. My husband and I know that she has something on the autism spectrum, but we've not had her checked as of yet.

During my first pregnancy, I envisioned children who would be "normal." I stood out for the "wrong" reasons when I was in elementary school (the place where we form a lot of the self-esteem issues we carry the rest of our lives). I was poorer than my peers, living at my grandparents' house with my mom and brother. I wore rummage sale clothes that were about eight years out of fashion. I was the only one--1970s era--with divorced parents. I was also always at least 20 pounds heavier than the other kids in a decade when ALL kids were at healthy weights. I really didn't have much going for me, I thought.

I carried unlovable thoughts with me into adulthood. I met my future husband when I was 25. I'd never been kissed, even at that age, which I assumed had to be because I was horrid.

I say all that to lead up to this: I looked at Noelle's future and wondered how unmercilessly she could be teased for not acting right socially, for not speaking clearly. I asked God, "Why? Why does my heart have to break all over again?". A good sister in Christ told me that He sent this special darling to someone who can help her because of my experience. I'm better equipped, perhaps.

God knows. He will bless.

Wishing you an early spring, Miss Maggie!
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Friday, March 9, 2007 - Welcome back

Posted by Lynn Marie
So glad to have you back up and blogging. You have been missed. Take care.
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Saturday, March 10, 2007 - 3/5/2007 - Asperger's . . .

Posted by Gardening Sue
I was Googling something, probably home school stuff, and through a series of links found An Old-Fashioned Education, and your blog!
I, too, have a 14-year-old (daughter) who probably has Asperger's (the pediatrician's guess), and a 9-year-old daughter who has it. So I can totally relate to your family situation, the quirky behaviors, etc.
I've been home schooling the 4th grader for 3 years now, and the 8th grader for 2 years. The 8th grader keeps trying to go to public school each Fall, but her anxiety gets the best of her and she gets overwhelmed. I've got to give her credit for trying though!
It's just nice to hear about other "real" people who don't feel they have to "fix it and make it go away", but just accept it as what's normal for them.
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Sunday, March 11, 2007 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Anonymous
I've been thinking about you lately, thank you for the update.
In a time when so many parents are bent on having 'normal' children, it is so refreshing to hear of parents that just let their children be who they are!

Debi (diaperduty)
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Wednesday, March 14, 2007 - :)

Posted by BrideofChristNJ @ Simple Christian Living
I always enjoy your posts and reading about your life. As a getting-ready-to-graduate-in-less-than-one-year elementary education/special ed teacher, I can completely understand what you are going through. I have some pretty good resources that Ive obtained through my years in college if you are ever interested, just ask :)
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Wednesday, March 14, 2007 - You Are A Wonderful Lady

Posted by Anonymous
I have enjoyed being on your website today. I'm hoping to be sucessful with my breadmaker by using your instructions. What a life saver, since I didn't receive an instruction manual. I also appreciate the understanding of trying to eat things made from scratch, I too am a senior and doing everything I can to manage on a very small income. Hang in there with the mental illness, I too have a daughter and grandchildren that suffer from it. Most of all, God Bless you and yours. Marsha from Las Vegas, NV
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Thursday, March 15, 2007 - thanks

Posted by Anonymous
i'm new to your site, but have already gained lots of new info (and i'm an old frugal girl :)
we sure do sympathize with your son's diagnosis. my stepson has Reactive Attachment Disorder which we've heard over and over, is a very bad indicator when it comes to his future.
we will keep you in our hearts and send nothing but positive thoughts your way.
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Friday, March 16, 2007 - Glad you're OK!

Posted by Anonymous
Maggie, I've been enjoying your site for years. I too am so relieved you are OK. You know that God wouldn't give you challenges that you couldn't handle! It sounds like he picked just the right parents for your son. How lucky your son is to have you! I know everything will be just fine for you all! Good luck!
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Friday, March 16, 2007 - Glad you are back!

Posted by Amy Spencer
Glad you are back! My brother was not diagnosed with Aspergers until around the age of 25. He was always different than us other kids, but had a nearly genius IQ so it wasn't something the Doctors knew about, or were even worried about since he was testing intelligent. His most odd behavior besides poor social skills was that he would sit pretzel leg style facing the corner of a room, and then bang his head against the wall. The more upset he was, or nervous, whatever, the harder and faster he hit his head. We all intervened, but the Dr kept saying to let him go since he didn't seem to be hurting himself. He had to go through a psychological screening by a psychiatrist for his job with the state, and that was when it was discovered that he had Aspergers. He is very high functioning, though, he mostly just has a few tics now that people have a hard time with. I think he had alot more problems as a child with it. When we think back to some of the things he used to do I think alot of it had more to do with the Aspergers than anybody knew.
Wishing you and your family well.
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Monday, March 19, 2007 - love is a wonderful thing

Posted by Anonymous
I loved reading your blog about Tom. I thoroughly enjoyed reading about how your family accepts differences. My friend is just beginning to make her way down the Asperger's road with her 4 year old son. Maybe you can identify with her. I know that she will need to be given the confidence to just accept her son for the beautiful boy that he is and just accept his eccentricities for what they are - him. Thank you so much for your generosity in writing about Tom.
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Friday, March 23, 2007 - Asperges

Posted by Anonymous

Great to read your post! And like others I agree it sounds like you are doing a wonderful job with your son. Our 9yo is borderline-asperges/sensory integration issues. Made life really difficult a couple of years back but just for now things seem to have quietened down; though friends warn me puberty can be difficult for these kids.
blessings
Alison

http://homeschoolingdownunder.blogspot.com/2006_02_01_homeschoolingdownunder_archive.html
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Saturday, March 24, 2007 - Blessings to you!

Posted by Anonymous
Maggie:
My oldest son is 10 and has Asperger's as well. I have known several other families with kids on the autistic spectrum and they certainly don't all handle it the same way. Anyway, my point is that you have a wonderful and loving attitude toward your son that transcends any label from the "real world." It's no wonder that he is doing so well. These "aspies" are really wonderful kids! Enjoy him.
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Thursday, March 29, 2007 - Hoping for the best

Posted by Anonymous Fan
Dear Miss Maggie:

First, some perspective: Tom does not have full blown autism. That right there is a blessing and a great cause for relief.

Second: No one ever heard of Asperger's when I was a kid, but as I turn 47 years of age and look back upon my life, I know that I have always placed somewhere on that continuum. I just cannot relax in most social situations. As I grow to accept this as a personality trait rather than a disorder, the more at peace I become with it. May Tom, you, and everyone find this peace too.

For what it's worth, I filter through a lot of noise on the internet every day, and I always look forward to what you have to share with the world and your unique perspective on it. Thank you. I hope you'll find the patience and strength to keep sharing your experiences and insight with total strangers like me for years to come.
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Friday, March 30, 2007 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Anonymous
Thanks for sharing for others what it is like living witha child with Asperger's. I have 5 children and my youngest son also has it. He is my most challenging, but also my most loving.
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Saturday, March 31, 2007 - Asperger's

Posted by Anonymous
My son also has Aspergers! I was looking at your menu's and they are helpful. God bless...

Sallie
http://www.angelfire.com/sc/anderklan/blahblahblog/
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Thursday, April 5, 2007 - hello my sweet friend

Posted by Anonymous
This is denise, I have really missed you. I will be praying for your son, and all of your family. sweet blessings to you, I love you.
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Friday, April 6, 2007 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Anonymous
Missing your updates!
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Saturday, April 21, 2007 - asperigers

Posted by maryruth
I homeschool a son with high functioning autism, adhd, dyslexia, bipolar. I really enjoyed your talk about your son. I have enjoyed everything on your site. Keep up the excellent work.
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Wednesday, May 2, 2007 - Aspergers

Posted by Anonymous
Hi Maggie,
<br>I've been a reader at your main site, and my attention was grabbed when I flipped over here to your blog. My eldest son (now 21) has Aspergers. What you have described (texture/noise/scent sensitivities etc) is my Greg to a T. We had no idea, either, we just accomodated him and his eccentricities. He finally found a part time job that suits him, though he does collect disabilty (ssdi) as well. He still lives at home with us, and may never live independently, but we don't give up,ever.
<br>
<br>Just wanted to say hey there, and commiserate with you. Living with someone with Aspergers can be so very difficult, but interesting too.
<br>
<br>Fondly,
<br>
<br>Kirsty
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Monday, July 30, 2007 - Hello Miss Maggie

Posted by Anonymous
Im over on PH, and have been trying to keep up with your blog(I'm usually face first into the recipes, lol). My 6 yr old is HF as well, and your son's traits match his almost exactly. We had him diagnosed at 41/2 and he has made huge jumps in improvement.
We have a Special Kids room over there, if you'd ever like to chat.I know you have posted once or twice since Mel took over. My name is lavender.
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Monday, September 3, 2007 - agoraphobia

Posted by Anonymous
My heart goes out to you and your challenges. I, like your husband, suffered from agoraphobia for years. I suffered through it and feared alot of things. I managed to raise two beautiful children and be a good wife to my husband even though I struggled every day with the problem. After I wound up in the ER with a terrific panic attack, I was put on Effexor. I can't tell you how it has changed my life. My doctor always monitors me and I have regular yearly checkups. I always was afraid of medication because I thought it would make me feel worse than I already did, but I gave in to Effexor. My doctor always has samples so I never have to pay for it. I do not have any side effects and do not feel tired like you think a drug like that would make you feel. Please have your husband see his doctor and ask about Effexor XR 75mg. I would love to know that he feels better. You both have alot of stress in your life with your oldest child(my oldest was ADHD, he is 21 now and doing very well). You have a wonderful website and I hope you both can find some peace. Please have your husband see his doctor.
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Monday, November 12, 2007 - I just found this site

Posted by Anonymous
And I've been reading and enjoying the recipies, the information and the inspiration. You may be the Maggie that I replied to on the doll clothes thread at the KeeperSisters forum

There's one thing that bothers me as a Christian mother. That is the Elsie Dinsmore books and dolls.
I am new here and I hope that you will read my opinion with an open heart. I urge you to pray before sharing the Elsie books with a child. I have some grave problems with the messages taught within the books.

(Exo 20:12) Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

This is the first commandment that is linked with a promise. If A then B. In the first book Elsie is defiant and she chides her father. Her father is a kind and loving man. Granted, the books make it clear that he is not a Christian, but he has Elsie's best interest at heart. Now, I know that many children lead their parents to Christ, but I sincerely doubt that outright defiance of a rather innocent request coupled with smug self righteousness would win over many lost parents.

Also, Elsie is a child. Her knowledge of Christianity comes from her slave. The fact that she values the opinion of her maid over the opinion of her loving and caring father is very disturbing to me. Actually the way the issue of slavery is handled in the books give me a bit of a check.

Later in the books, Elsie is extremely wealthy. She lavishes her wealth upon herself in ornamentation and showy clothing. She is not at all concerned about others, even though she occasionally pays lip service to the plight of the South, etc. She does nothing to act on her convictions.

However, I too think that the dolls are absolutely adorable. They seem to be well made and I would probably purchase at least one of them, if the books that they are based on didn't give me such pause.

I think that they have some of the prettiest clothing that is available for dolls. My DD collected American Girl Dolls (pre Mattel) and then when she grew up quite a few of them remained behind and I have added to my personal collection. I love sewing for the 18" and 24" dolls (MyTwinn) They are large enough so that you aren't fighting ridiculously tiny fabric pieces.

The American Girl patterns are available online to download. I haven't tried doing so because I purchased them years ago when they first became available and then I bought duplicates when they were being discontinued.

http://www.agplaythings.com/ here is the link where you can find the patterns.
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Friday, January 25, 2008 - Lives with Aspergers

Posted by Crazy Girl
i just had to say that based on how my Aspie boyfriend is at 40 something years old... this sentence from your blog is just True in his case...

" God knows what each child needs and gives them the parent's who will best serve them. "
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Friday, January 25, 2008 - NOT True ...

Posted by Crazy Girl
i just had to say that based on how my Aspie boyfriend is at 40 something years old... this sentence from your blog is just NOT True in his case...
<br>
<br>" God knows what each child needs and gives them the parent's who will best serve them. "
<br>
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Wednesday, September 3, 2008 - Aspergers

Posted by Anonymous
My son now 20 also has Aspergers and I can relate to you..It's been a rocky road but things are starting to look up for him. If you want to talk...my email is bbeasley@ptsi.net
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