Friday, April 20, 2007 - Conservative Christian Vs. Crunchy Christian
VA Tech is near us, and we've had lots of local coverage along with TV News people everywhere you look. Fred was really hoping to see Nancy Grace or even better, Greta Van Sustern. He has alas, so far been disappointed. The massacre was terrible and gave me an anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach that I've become unaccustomed to over the past 15 or so years of living the good Chrsitian Life. When you know that Christ's your savior and follow God's will instead of your own, life becomes a darned sight easier. All those scary, worried feeling that you get in the pit of your stomach while waiting for the last shoe to drop disappear. Instead you get to live in that nice warm spot of serene security, knowing that the Big Guy upstairs has got your back.
So I was suprised to feel that awkward hint of angst in the pit of my belly. It reminded me that I used to live with that feeling on a daily, if not hourly basis and I was grateful that it's become so foreign to me that I didn't recognize it at first.
The last time I felt it was during September 11th and at that time my reaction was to become extremely conservative, moreso than I had ever imagined being at any point in my life. Well now I have felt that anxiety again and this time around I am reminded that God is in charge and I don't have to worry over things so much. When he says my time is up that's that and there's nothing I can do, or really would even want to do, to change His mind.
This has left me with a great sense of security and a desire to throw off some of the ultra conservative notions and practices that I've developed over the past 5 years or so. Nothing major mind you, but I do sense a new, joyous freedom that I haven't felt before and it's something I'm interested in exploring, at least as far as God is willing to let me explore it.
Which brings me to my rebellious, hippified, alternative lifestyle history. Granted there are many elements of it that were less than Christian and that I am not interested in revisitng. There are some parts of it though that I feel excited to re-introduce myself to. For instance, home decorating. I'm envisioning a few more Gothic and Moroccan elements and maybe a nice curry colored paint job for the walls with some burgundy and azure accents. Maybe a few dresses in flowy brown or tumeric fabric, and perhaps even a trip to ebay to pick up an outfit or two that remind me of the freedom I have in Christ.
I used to pride myself in living a Crunchy, Green, Earth-Mamma existance and I miss some of those things and looking for ways to incorporate more of them into my modern life. I also (please don't be shocked) find myself wanting to put earing in all of my old piercings. It makes me wonder if God can use me to bring people from "alternate lifestyles" into the Chrsitian fold.
None of this is written in stone, and all of it is new enough that it may simply be a passing phase that I get over before the month is out. My oldest son's extreme conservatisism adds somewhat to my desire to live more authentically, with the way I feel on the inside and the way I look on the outside marrying one another in liquid harmony.
For his part, Fred just sees the real me no matter what I look like, so he doesn't really notice what I do one way or the other. Praise God for good husbands, and for Fred in particular.
I like to reinvent myself every 5 years or so, and I know I'm due for a change. I'm interested to see who God will help me become, and what type of woman he will mold from this old lump of clay. I know whoever it is, I will like her.
Another thing is that I tried diligently, and privately, to lose weight again and feel so frustrated by the effort that I am going to spend some time loving and living in the body I have. I think if God had meant for me to lose weight that it would happen according to His will, and while I would be expected to make an effort, it would happen. I have made monumental efforts and nothing is happening, so I have come to the conclusion that this, at least for the time being, is the thorn in my side. I am content to make the best of it. Afterall, I am very happy in my life, and there's no reason I can't go ahead and embrace this body, with all it's lumps and bumps and roundy curves. Fred, the love of my life, has been kind enough to share with me that he considers me just as sexy and beautiful as ever. Bless him, he honestly thinks I am the most beautiful woman in the world and living with that kind of support makes this particular thorn easier to bare than I think I deserve. It almost makes it thornless.
So that's where I am tonight and that is where I feel myself traveling, at least over the next couple of weeks. I'm interested to see what comes of it. Like the adage goes, it's the journey, not the destination.
Resting in Jesus's warm and loving embrace,
=) Maggie
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Saturday, April 21, 2007 - Beginning over |
| Posted by Susan in Racine |
How amazing! In February our family left our church (IFB) after five years over their unwillingness to be more political. Their focus was solely "get the Word out, get people saved." That is a directive, yes, but my husband and I believe that if Christians remain in this "well, I'll just pray about the downward spiral of this nation and let God handle things--He is omnipotent after all" mode, then the next generation will be asking us how we possibly could have let this country become what it is. Honestly, they'll be living in a complete dictatorship. God does want us to do all we can first, then leave it up to Him, like Elisha and the indebted woman. She had to go get all the vessels she could so that God could fill them with oil, then she could sell the vessels and earn money to pay off her debts. If she had only bothered with two vessels, or five vessels, God would only have blessed her up to that point. She was told to get ALL the vessels she could, to put in ALL the effort she could, and because she did, He blessed her greatly. Christians need to be more involved than just praying. We have to do our part before God will do his.
We've been having church at home with the Holy Spirit's leading of sermon topic, like the pioneers must have had to do. Just four months ago, I never would have believed how much sweeter our life is now that we aren't in that church. We still have ultra-conservative views, but something about that forced lifestyle had our family and marriage in real distress. I found myself constantly comparing my marriage to the pastor and his wife's. My husband always seemed to be falling short, in my mind, from what was espoused from the pulpit weekly. Just getting my three young children ready for church three times a week, and their behaviors there (my middle one is autistic) was extremely stressful for me. If you could picture the bickering going on in our van on the drive to church, you'd understand. Everything is so much sweeter now. Life is relaxed. Our marriage is stronger.
Anyhoo, I feel as if I am turning over a new leaf as well, inside and out. It's been really stimulating reinventing myself. I wish you blessings in rediscovering you! |
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Saturday, April 21, 2007 - A comfort to me |
| Posted by Linda Lallerstedt |
I really enjoyed what you just wrote. God does reach people in many different ways. Your site is one that I always try to read. Thank You!! God Bless!!
Linda |
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Saturday, April 21, 2007 - Untitled Comment |
| Posted by Anonymous |
I have missed your posts so much. Glad all is well with you.
Miss Maggie this past month or so has been very hard here. We lost our best friend in an awful accident, God called my beloved mother in law Home, and our ex-daughter in law has been re-arrested again for drugs and a weapon...yet, somehow I know the Lord does have a plan and He does answer prayers. I have felt a calm I can't describe.
I am saying prayers for you. I hope you find your way with your weight. I know my own weight battle has been "won" through surgery. That is what was right for me. I have lost 200 pounds and feel so much better. Now I can keep up with the grandchildren the Lord has given me to keep and help raise. (their other grandmother and I are raising 2 grand children 5 and 7 together)
Take care of your self. Love yourself. You are a blessing to many of us.
This is Roxie in Texas. May God bless. |
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Sunday, April 22, 2007 - Hey girl! |
| Posted by Anonymous |
I'll send you some earrings!
Bless you, honey
Love,
Maggie |
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Sunday, April 22, 2007 - I hear ya!! |
| Posted by Anonymous |
I loved your blog!! I enjoy revisting myself. Different parts of me are laid to rest and other parts of me are brought out. I am amazed how I change in the Potter's hand. I too, have a Fred (okay so he is a Freddie) and he to loves my curves---ALL of the extra bumps etc.... The man is amazing---must be something about the name Fred!!
Many blessings,
Tora Anne
www.xanga.com/toraanne |
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Monday, April 23, 2007 - Untitled Comment |
| Posted by Anonymous |
I don't understand why you say you can't lose weight, so it must not be God's Will at this time. I've been following your blog for some time, and I know a few months ago, you were doing very well with the weight loss by watching your sugar intake. But you stopped due to some family issues, right? So, who quit, you or God?
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<br><br> I don't mean this to be harsh. Please don't think that. I just see so many people struggling with weight issues, but they don't keep to the lifestyle changes that would produce weight loss when things get tough in their personal lives. They think they can only "diet" when things are going well. I don't understand that. |
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Monday, April 23, 2007 - loving the shape you're in... |
| Posted by Anonymous |
I worked hard a few years ago and lost 42 pounds between eating more veggies, walking daily and Curves 3X a week. I got prideful. I searched out clothes like the young things were wearing. I told everyone what i did, how i did it, I, I, I. Looking back i never once gave God any glory. Somehow in spite of exercise, 23 pounds crept back. I've had blood tests, it's not a physical issue. It has just been recently that I realized what i had done. I had the body I wanted but I did the wrong things once I had it and I totally forgot it was God who did it for me, and through me, because he loved me.
<br><br>Now I am happy no matter what shape I'm in. And instead of praying for God to take this weight away, I pray for his will and i will cheerfully accept it.
<br><br>It's taken a load off of MY shoulders! |
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Tuesday, April 24, 2007 - Dear Anonymous |
| Posted by missmaggie |
You are absolutely right, it was I who failed. Thank you so much for pointing that out. I feel much better now that I truly understand that it is only my willful lack of discipline that is holding me back. Why I let something as simple as that control me for almost a decade is beyond me. Here I've been looking for a simple solution to my dilemma for such a long time and it was staring me in the face all the time. Couldn't see the forest for the trees I expect. It is especially kind of you share you clarity of vision with me, and with no thought for yourself too.
What would I do without kind and generous visitors like yourself who are always willing to share your words of wisdom? Why I think I would just wallow in my self-deception all day long if not for the insight and encouragment yall so kindly share with me. I remain in your debt.--Miss Maggie |
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Tuesday, April 24, 2007 - Thank you for understanding |
| Posted by Anonymous |
Miss Maggie, thank you for understanding that my previous post was written with the best of intentions. I would never want to hurt your feelings. You have been such an encouragement to me in my daily walk with Christ. Your resourcefulness spills over into blessings into my life every day as I strive to use your web site tips. Thank you for that.
I know that when you are ready to tackle your weight problem again, you will have so many sisters in Christ cheering you on!
3 John 2: Beloved, I wish above all things that though mayest prosper and be in health....
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Tuesday, April 24, 2007 - Ms Maggie |
| Posted by Anonymous |
| I just love you as sister in Christ. God bless you and the work you do. I find comfort in a soul like your when days are tough. Keep up the fine work you do and in all things work out for those who love the Lord. As far as your weight loss, we just have to learn to rest in his timing (preaching to myself here) He has a plan and is never late, even though I argue about His timing at times |
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Wednesday, April 25, 2007 - Yep, One Toenail at a Time : ) |
| Posted by wendy (bluebird of hapiness) |
Hi Maggie,
So glad you are back and even more glad you are well! And its funny, whenever you are gone awhile and come back, the first post is always one that deeply moves something it seems. All i know is i was very moved by this one. I'm doing a lot of reconciling with my past too, not tossing the baby with the bathwater, so this was oh so relatable. And the whole "one toenail at a time" thing, well i'm still smiling from that one : )
I've also come to a similar place about my weight. I need healthier habits and truly do want to work more on that--less sugar, more activity etc--but that's for the sake of health, not necessarily weight. When is something is SUCH an uphill battle as dieting can be for so many, well you have to wonder if that is where the spirit is leading. Often, i suspect it isnt, its often just where the norms of culture there are leading, and that's expendable.
Reaching out to those in alternative lifestyles, that sounds very cool. I think Gothic Christianity, to use just one example, gets really misunderstood.
Anyway, looking forward to reading along again!
Paix, Wendy |
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Wednesday, April 25, 2007 - another hippie! |
| Posted by jzurligen |
I wish I could join your group in losing weight..I am currently in a group at my hospital I work at now..it is a hospital wide thing where in the beginning, we weigh in, do our blood tests, do our measurements, and then they tell us how much weight we need to lose in 3 months. Of course, I am chunky, so I need to lose at least 35 lbs. My office got on this WW kick, but that has not worked out for me. I have a really hard time counting points! But, thank the good Lord in heaven for my doctor back home. She told me that its not your weight # thank counts. It is being healthy. So instead of me focusing on weighing 165 lbs (which I would look like a skeleton!) I am going to focus on just losing weight until I can see a waist! Haha! I used to worry so much! Now, I just want to avoid being diabetic, or getting some sort of cancer..
Oh yeah! Love the hippie style! Have you ever been to Ashland, Or? The original hippy town! Great bunch of folks! I will admit, I am more conservative than they are, but they are just so free and happy and loving..in fact, the church I attended, the pastor was an old hippy, very laid back, wore shorts to church in the summer...it was great! And, if you ever want to come decorate my house, be my guest! Sounds like you have great taste and I am not the creative!!...I envision my bedroom done in rich reds, and purples and tuscan yellows!! And the living room in lots of throw pillows and rugs! (I really love shag!)..
God Bless you! |
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Thursday, April 26, 2007 - Thanks |
| Posted by Gilana |
| I have a big job interview in a few hours and you have helped to remind me that I must do my best, and you also reminded me to keep God in mind tomorrow. As I walk to the subway, ride downtown, take deep breaths, and walk into the office, I must remember that I am as God made me. And that will help to calm my nerves. Congratulations on your continued growth. I love your posts. |
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Tuesday, May 1, 2007 - A note on looks... |
| Posted by Anonymous |
| About your piercings and weight...I don't believe it matters if you have piercing, tattoos, extra poundage, or pink hair or no hair. As long as you live a good and simple life with a good heart and there is peace in your soul, the physical 'container' doesn't matter much :-) |
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Tuesday, May 1, 2007 - weight loss |
| Posted by Anonymous |
I did Atkins and managed to lose weight for the first time in my life. But I couldn't keep it off. When I started adding back just a few things like vegetables, occasional whole grain breads and potatoes, the weight started creeping back on. I simply can't afford to eat that way right now. So I'm accepting it and will work on it again at some point. I am thinking about trying a once a week water fast for religious reasons. If it leads to some weight loss, that would just be an added benefit.
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<br>Don't be hard on yourself about it. If anyone knew a bulletproof way for women to lose weight, they'd be out selling it. It's just not that simple.
Teri |
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Saturday, May 5, 2007 - Being yourself |
| Posted by Anna |
Hi Miss Maggie,
I hadn't scrolled down to read this post before now. This is so timely to what I had been experiencing today. For the last year, I've been trying to follow a Conservative, Plain Christian witness, complete with sewing the cape dresses and caps. Somehow this path always felt uncomfortable for myself and those around me.
I love art, Middle Eastern culture, the colors you described, and just being creative. I also work at a public University where I am "on display" every day for large numbers of people. I think I am repelling people with vinegar instead of with honey, the Gospel. Just today, I poured out my heart to my husband that I can't be "Amish" anymore. Jeff is much like Fred, very loving and tolerant of my reinventing mode. He said he's seen my spirit deflate over this time because I had little outlet for my talents.
I'll still cover my hair and dress modestly and femininely but maybe in a more relevant and creative manner for Jesus' sake.
Blessings,
Anna |
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Tuesday, September 4, 2007 - Here, here! (or is it "Hear! Hear!") ? |
| Posted by Anonymous |
| Amazing how much this post sounds like my experience--crunchy earth mama to near-Amish mama...back to something in between...LOL...anyway, many blessings to y'all... |
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Monday, December 3, 2007 - Untitled Comment |
| Posted by Jess Gunning |
You know, I truly believe that I am both. I am very conservative in how I view Scripture (I wear a headcovering, I am a keeper at home, I homeschool my dauther - all because of Scripture), and yet, I am a complete granola-head. I am actually a complete granola head because of Scripture as well. I believe that because God gave us these bodies, we should take care of them the best way we learn how - I happened to learn that eating things organically, taking no drugs that inhibit my child's growth during pregnancy, and healing through God's herbs are the most healthy options for me.
I am glad to have found this blog entry. :) I will have to come back and look again.
I am sad to hear you have left Hillbilly Housewife, but am glad that it will free you up to your home more, and that the new woman is excited and dedicated to it. :)
God's blessings Maggie,
Jessica Gunning,
Kansas |
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Re-inventing myself, one toenail at a time.
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